If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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