there's paper in my vomit.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
