The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Bang-toberfest begins!!
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
