The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
We left an ass print on the piano.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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