i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
