Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
