She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
