My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
