The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You did what with his pubic hair?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
