So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
