She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Never joke about your clitoris.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
