I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
