i think my mom watched the whole time
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
