Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
