I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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