I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
