Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I just blew my weed a kiss
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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