You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
