I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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