I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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