So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
the day after is always just damage control
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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