I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
