It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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