hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
