So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Drunk is a universal language darling
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
