i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
