We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
