There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
