I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
My vagina is officially offended.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
