youre lurking in front of me
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
The air was thick with penises
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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