Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
