i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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