With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
