I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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