I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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