I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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