I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
