Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
