Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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