The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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