I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
