So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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