mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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