Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
