If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
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