he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
