Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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