You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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