I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
