He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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