Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
