Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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