M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
