thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Randomize
