That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
