His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
