i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
