Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize