I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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