oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
