I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
