Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
