that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
