There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
