im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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